Great Scott!

Maybe you’ve heard about the missing former hedge fund thief Samuel Israel, who disappeared on his way to prison. But did you hear about his time machine?

The co-founder of the Stamford hedge fund Bayou Group LLC, Sam Israel, bilked investors of over $400 MILLION dollars. (How does that happen? I tried to slip the cashier at Dunkin Donuts a Canadian penny the other day, and I heard “Miss? No good.”) Well anyway, he got caught, got sentenced to 20 years, and promptly disappeared while driving himself to prison. (They let you drive yourself to prison when you’re in this much trouble? Weird. Like “OK, yep, see you there!” meanwhile you’re punching up the TomTom for “Anywhere, Mexico.”)

So en route to prison, apparently Israel thought, “nah.” His car was found on a NYC bridge with “Suicide is Painless” scrawled across the windshield. His body has yet to be found. So, you think he saw a preview of The Happening and was inspired? Maybe…or he was inspired by a GOOD movie!

A trader who used to work with Israel was interviewed by the NY Post, and things get a lot more interesting. The trader claimed Israel was crazy, believed in time travel, and BUILT HIS OWN TIME MACHINE, which he showed off to people in his basement. Mind you, it doesn’t mention that he showed off a WORKING time machine. But that doesn’t make it any less cool. If you build a time machine you’ve got to show somebody, but you can’t show it to them working, then everyone will want to use it, they’ll start screwing up the past, monkeys will now run the future, and before you know it you’ve got a Sci-Fi Saturday night movie on your hands.

No, Israel was smart. He saved that machine for when he really needed it, more power to him. He’s probably living large in the late 1800’s right now, ”inventing” the internet, so he can put stock in Google. Sam Israel, a man ahead of his time…or dead in the river.

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