The Pissed

I realize now that I really have no allegiance to Frank Darabont. I’m not sure why I thought it was a good thing when he was attached to Indiana Jones. Sure, the Shawshank Redemption was wonderful, but the rest of it is kinda trashy (and I do love The Blob).

Yet, walking into The Mist, I thought I’d be seeing another Stephen King tale told competently by someone skilled, and instead, I got 2 hours of soupy shit.

The short story, from Skeleton Crew I believe, was one of my favorites and one I should go back and re-read. I’ve imagined it as a film many a time, and when it actually happened, I was excited. It wasn’t just monsters in the mist that I liked, but the psychology of it all. People trapped in a supermarket, under siege, and losing their wits as they fight for their survival, mostly from each other. What’s not to like?

There’s a scene in the movie where some of the characters share that sentiment; how people will lose themselves and do the wrong things when they get scared. Fear has a way of undoing the mind. But the big problem with The Mist is, YOU are never scared. You never are worried about what lurks in it, who’s gonna buy it, what that thing is you just saw, etc. I don’t know why this is, but there is not a lick of tension in a film that’s supposed to be brimming to the hilt with it! Worse, Darabont works against the shitty film he made by fading in and out to cap off scenes, as if The Mist was meant as a TV mini-series on NBC. The music is horrible, what little there is to evoke any kind of mood, and at the close, there’s this awful operatic crying to help extenuate some moment that you really could give a shit about.

I don’t remember the story perfectly, but being King, I know there was a religious angle. For those that know me, you know I hate Marcia Gay Harden; I find her repulsive. Dress her up as a religious zealot, and I’m in my own personal Hell. Have her saying most of the dialog in a film called The Mist about God and the righteous and sacrifice, etc., and you know I wished for death. Despite me thinking she is wretched, she pulled off the part exceptionally well, so I won’t fault her here. I should have known when a C-list cast like Thomas Jane and the girl who wants to be Amy Smart are your main stars, backed by Harden, that there was something not right but I didn’t see the signs.

I won’t waste any more time on this, other than to say, do not see this movie if you’re a fan of the story, and do not see this movie if you’re not. Just don’t see it. Go see Enchanted or August Rush or Rush Hour 3 instead. And allow me one last nitpick:

SPOILER

So early in the movie, a kid gets eaten by a crazy tentacled beast, and someone wonders “what are those tentacles attached to?”. At the end, you find out, and it’s this huge 40-story creature. Again, a nitpick, but what the fuck is a 40-story creature rooting around behind a supermarket just to eat one lousy kid? That’d be like me chasing down one ant, eating it and then feeling full and leaving everyone alone. Stupid shit.