What if you could bone Saavik?

I need YOUR help!

So some of you know that I’m writing a novel. Some of you don’t even really know who I am. Either way, I would very much appreciate your help.

In my novel, a guy is having a terrible getting over a break-up. He finds himself hooking up with a new girl as he’s going through this awful time, and the girl looks just like Kirstie Alley’s Saavik from Star Trek II. He goes on specifically about how it’s Kirstie Alley, not the dog-faced chick who replaced her in Star Trek III and IV.

The novel has fun little lists and stuff inbetween chapters, and the list after this chapter is going to be “Things my friends said when they found out I failed to bone a chick who looked just like Saavik.” It could be “you ejected your warp core” or it could be “you have to turn in your man card” or anything inbetween.

Only caveat is that I’m likely to use your suggestion and extremely unlikely to give you any credit for it other than my heartfelt thanks.

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No Responses to “What if you could bone Saavik?”

  1. Eros Welker says:

    What if you never really had a hard-on for Kirstie Alley?  I mean, I’d probably say, “You’d have been better off bedding the Horta.”

  2. junktape says:

    She was a sure thing!!!!  The Vulcan bitch was all Pon-Farr for your captain’s log and you blew it!!!!!!!!!!

    I woulda stuck my sam in her diane.  (for the current incarnation of Kirstie alley, this would be my norm in her carla.)

    If we go by the book as Lt. Saavik suggests, you’re a fucking idiot.

    Dude, if it was me, I woulda been givin her the jeffries tube.

    You mean you had vulcan vagina in your sights and you DIDNT violate her prime directive?

    I’m out.

  3. Roger says:

    “You should have stuffed your kobayashi in her maru.”

    “Do you have any Klingon in ya? No? Do you WANT any?”

    “You could have made Operating Thetan Level 3.”

    (That’s a Scientology joke, not a Star Trek joke.)

  4. just trying to help says:

    I need YOUR help! So some of you know that I work as a men’s bathroom attendant. Some of you don’t even really know who I am.  But maybe I’ve handed you a towel.  Anyway, in the novel I’ve been working on for a while, in between chapters I have fun little lists.  No, trust me, they’re fun.  You’ll laugh.  Out loud.  But actually, that doesn’t have to do with my request.  I was just hoping you’d see me as more than just a bathroom attendant so my next request might be met with more enthusiasm. 

    For those who know me, perhaps the next time you’re shaking it off and reaching for a towel you’ll meet my eyes.  Just for a moment.  Just so I know I’m not alone, and that I’ve inspired or helped you in some way.  Do I have something to prove?  Perhaps.  But, when its all said and done, I suppose we’re all looking connect in some way, be it creative writing groups (learning annex, friday nights, see you there?) , facebook groups, or websites like this, with creative people on it.  And is reaching out in this way such a bad thing, especially when I ‘m getting my job done and making sure the sinks are wiped off?  Thanks in advance.  See you in the one marked Homme.

  5. FRIEND-O says:

    Eros, can you get this douche bag off of here~

  6. Burnt says:

    Fatass, wish I could help!  But, I’m no Trekkie. . . AND Friend-O means “just trying to help” and not you~!!!

  7. Fat Ass says:

    Wow, apparently someone doesn’t like me and can’t put together the thoughts to make fun of me in a clever fashion or have the balls to sign their own name to it. Either that, or they’re just trying to be funny. It’s so hard to tell…

  8. Cybergosh says:

    i’d defend ya – but…anything that summons the long-lost Burnt Leader out of EG retirement is a good thing !!

  9. DougGold says:

    She’s half-Romulan you know.  That means she takes it in the ass.

  10. Junktape says:

    Sometimes it dawns on me that this is a public site.  And that Burnt exists.

  11. Eros Welker says:

    I am confused and bewildered.  This isn’t the first we’ve seen of our new friend, and I doubt the last.  I believe it’s Uwe Boll.

  12. Christa says:

    you don’t wanna screw with Vulcan girls, they tend to Kling-on.