I beat Super Godzilla for Super Nintendo this Labor Day

DID YOU?

No, you didn’t. And here is why.

Because you were probably doing something lame on labor day.

Instead of defending the 16-bit Earth, like me.

See, some of us aren’t losers.

Some of us care that King Ghidorah attacked Osaka.

And would do anything to protect the Earth, even though they could not save their game or use passwords. Even though it would take ALL DAY.

Some of us defeated Ghidorah, then did research on his cells to find they had been augmented by alien DNA.

Some of us then faced Mecha-Godzilla, defeating him with jabs and tail swipes, since he was resistant to atomic breath.

Some of us had to locate the Professor, who was kidnapped after learning the secret of the alien DNA.

Some of us faced Biollante, even though he took two continueds and all our power up items to defeat.

Some of us faced a monster who was supposed to be MEGAGUIRIUS, but was called something else instead. Like MANDA or some shit.

Some of us used the alien DNA to turn into SUPER GODZILLA, which was really a weird version of SPACE GODZILLA, and faced off against MECHA KING GHIDORAH, who the aliens had turned into a cyborg.

And finally, thinking the game was over, some of us had to face a stupid-looking creature named BAGAN, who was all but impossible to defeat, until…

…the Professor showed up in his X-1 to turn us into Super Godzilla again.

And that…

…Is why I’m awesome.