Sequels I Choose to Pretend Don’t Exist

Inspired by a comment Cybergosh made in the Die Hard thread, here are the sequels I choose to pretend don’t exist (I can usually pick these out because I own the originals or previous sequels on DVD and don’t– or wish I didn’t– own these):


In no particular order…

Superman III & IV
Beverly Hills Cop III
Jaws 3-D and the Revenge
Halloween 5 through everything else except H20
Nightmare on Elm Street 2, 4, 6 and 7
Friday the 13th V, VIII, IX and Jason X
The Godfather Part III
The Matrix Resucked and Revoblew
Batman Forever and Batman & Robin
Terminator 3
Ghostbusters II (sorry Junky)
Fletch Lives (big time on this one)
Caddyshack II
The last nine American Pies after 2
Pirates 3 (sorry Bergy)
X-Men 3: The Last Cockdammit
Alien vs. Predator
Scream 3
The Two Towers (I know you’re all appalled, but this movie was 2 1/2 hours too long)
Highlander 2 and on
The Sting II
Hannibal and Red Dragon, didn’t even see that last piece of defecation on burnt bread
City Slickers II
Jurassic Park III
Speed 2
Exorcist II
French Connection II
Rambo III
Star Trek V, Generations, Insurrection and Nemesis

And, for good measure: Sequels that are better than the original. A small, but very prestigous list:

Beverly Hills Cop II
Nightmare on Elm Street 3
X2: X-Men United
Empire Strikes Back
Color of Money
Friday the 13th 2, 3, The Final Chapter and VI
Lethal Weapon 2 (although this is really close)
Batman Returns (close again)
Terminator 2
Aliens
Back to the Future Part II (I know you’re appalled, but I absolutely love them both. I just think Part II is freaking ingenious).
The Godfather Part II
Bride of Chucky
Toy Story 2
Star Trek II, IV, VI and First Contact. And III was better than The Motion Picture.

Feel free to add to both lists… although in order for a film to qualify for either list, it has to have had at least one quality entry in the series. I’m not gonna debate the merits of Problem Child against Problem Child 3.

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No Responses to “Sequels I Choose to Pretend Don’t Exist”

  1. bake snaker says:

    I can’t agree with French Connection II… a fine sequel.

    And shame for not mentioning the best sequel of all time…”The Road Warrior.” And one of the worst sequels of all time…”Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome.”

    Also… some of the worst…”Escape from LA”, “Back to the Future 3”, and “Battle Royale II”

  2. junky says:

    What a brilliant idea for a list.  I really don’t have much to add, except, and prepare to hate me…

    ARMY OF FUCKING DARKNESS

    Yes, I said it.  The movie that put Ash on the map took what was an ingenious madcap horror and turned it into kiddie fare.  Yes, there are moments I enjoy, yes, I’d watch it again the way I’ve watched the star wars prequels, but yes – I wish it did not exist.

    Speaking of which…

    STAR WARS EPISODE II:  ATTACK OF THE CLONES

    (Best sequence, the geonosis battle, worst everything else.  The ball could not have been dropped harder.  Well, unless you count THE PHANTOM MENACE)

    MUPPET WIZARD OF OZ—put another nail in Jim’s coffin

    BE COOL – wasn’t.

    GREASE II – If I’d seen it first and had nostalgia for it, maybe I would have been into it.  But after seeing the original, I just never got into this.

    NEVERENDING STORY II and III – just as much a heresy as the Highlander sequels.  An amazing original, tarnished.  Though Jack Black is in III, which is a great trivia nugget.

    MANNEQUIN 2: ON THE MOVE – pass

    POLICE ACADEMY 3 and on.

    BENEATH THE PLANET OF THE APES – boring and lame.  Most of the Apes movies were lackluster, except for ESCAPE, which introduced Caesar, Zera and had Ricardo Montleban.  CONQUEST was fun, the rest were shit.

    Kudos to bake remembering ESCAPE FROM L.A., sucking as hard as the original was awesome.  Will never forget the times square theatre experience, and all of us marinating in hate.

    THE MATRIX SEQUELS – never before have I seen a franchise fall from such lofty heights.

    BIG TOP PEE WEE – Unwatchable.  Never saw the whole thing.  Tried several times.  Couldn’t make it.

    SON OF THE MASK – jesus christ.

    ACE VENTURA WHEN NATURE CALLS – holy balls.

    ANOTHER STAKEOUT – Rosie O’Donnell?????

    I’ll add CHILDS PLAY 3 to your bride of Chucky list

    And better than the original:

    HOUSE 2: THE SECOND STORY!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. bake snaker says:

    whoa whoa whoa… what the?

    BENEATH THE PLANET OF THE APES??  Great sequel… one of the darkest films of all time.  C’mon!!!

    And c’mon… Grease 2 is bad but so bad that it’s good.  Don’t do that to “Cool Rider.” Don’t do that.

  4. Junktape says:

    BENEATH??????????????????

    Nothing happens in it and the whole movie takes place on like one set.  Are you kidding?

    Give me Escape.

    junky

  5. Junktape says:

    By the way, I have a print of French Connection II on 16mm in cinemascope.  I’ve never screened it, lol

  6. Fat Ass says:

    I LOVE Grease 2. In fact, thanks to a questionably-healthy crush on Michelle Pfeiffer, I actually prefer it to the original.

    I’d be willing to see French Connection I and II again. But I saw them both in film school and remember being really disappointed in the sequel.

    Amry of Darkness is definitely better than the originals.

  7. bake snaker says:

    Amry of Darkness is definitely better than the originals.????????????????????

    is this a joke… I’m even one of those who was pissed at first that Evil Dead 2 wasn’t more of a horror film.  I’ve come to accept it since but please tell me the above comment is a joke…

    Oh and almost forgot… one of the worst sequels of all time..Wes Craven’s “Hills Have Eyes 2.”

  8. cybergosh says:

    this is a great list…

    i agree with a lot of these…have to think about it some more and don;t have time right now…

    but, i will say this in all seriousness.

    Problem Child 2 IS, in fact, much better than PC.

    PC2 OWNS!!!!

  9. bake snaker says:

    Wouldn’t some say that the Bill & Ted sequel is better than the original?…. I wouldn’t but some would.

    Porky’s 3 could be thrown on that “wish it didn’t exist” list.

    And holy shit…did everyone forget “Jaws 2”….oh!!! andwhat about “More American Graffetti?”, “Delta Force 2.”

    AND HOLY SHIT!!!  Almost forgot worst of all time…….

    WORST SEQUEL TO AN AMAZING FILM……

    RAMBO!!!!!!

  10. Eros Welker says:

    I’d say that Bogus Journey is better than the original.  Fucking loved it.

    Other sequels I wished didn’t exist:

    Alien Resurrection (piece of sheeet)

    Mission Impossible 2 (poor John Woo)

    Basic Instinct 2 (I dont even know why this DOES exist)

    Rush Hour 2 and 3 (therefore, Chris Tucker would not exist)

    Queen of the Damned (would ya consider that a sequel?)

    Scary Movie 3 (not that I like ANY of the Scary Movies, but then my comic friends Nielsen and Sheen haven’t embarassed themselves further)

    Robocop 2 (though I suspect on further inspection, I won’t mind it so much)

    Beastmaster 2 and so on

    Other sequels that rocked the original:

    Austin Powers – Spy That Shagged Me (I dont know why but I found this funnier than the first, probably because it was more Dr. Evil and less Austin)

    The Mummy Returns (I bet Cybergosh will back me up.  Digital Rock, mummy pygmies, more fun)

    Also, I think lumping Jurassic Park 3 into a “sequels that shouldnt exist” category is a mistake.  If anything, The Lost World: Jurassic Park should be on that list.  With the exception of the T-Rex roaming San Diego, that movie is really really bad.  On the other hand, JP3 is actually quite fun for a lesser dino flick.  You get a cool new dino, and a pretty wild pterodactyl scene.  If only they’d exploit the whole “where do they store the rejects” angle, that’d be a killer flick.

  11. Cybergosh says:

    I agree with everything everyone here has said with these exceptions:

    Elm Street 4 (renny harlin still ruled back then, and it was written by the same guy who did the novilazation for E.T.!)

    The Reloaded and Revolutions (sure, we didn’t need ‘em – but i had fun – never got all the backlash except for jada – she should be eliminated from our reality)

    Ghostbusters II (of course it was a big let down, but c’mon – ghostbustas!  (are back) ghostbustas! (are back)!!!!

    Caddyshack II (movies like this have every right to be on this list since they betray their originals..but, for some reason, when i rode my bike to the ridgewood, nj movie theater to watch this back in summer 1988…i laughed.  i laughed a lot.  whatever happened to jessica lundy?)

    Speed II (i know this might sound nuts – but i never liked Speed.  Speed II has DeFoe putting leeches on himself, and therefore makes it ten times better)

    Rambo III (no, it was no where near as good – and yes, it had the nerve to go up against WIllow (and Dundee II..which also belongs on this list) on opening day.  But still, this wasn’t SO bad.  Then again, i don’t remember a thing about it so that’s not a good sign.  But yeah – i remember liking it back then enough to buy the Rambo III Rocket Launcher.  Ahhh…a happier time…when they made toy weapons look real…)

    As stated, Problem Child 2 rules.  (I love it so much i should really own the DVD now that i think about it.  Wait, i think i may actually have the laserdisc of this.  The reason = it had heart!  Ritter and The Yasbeck!  You’re rooting for them!!!  And when that little girl Problem Child 2 and the Problem Child team up and use their evil ways for good…it really doesn’t get any better than that!!!  Whatever happened to Amy Yasbeck!?)

    Army of Darkness is awesome and i’m sorry Junktape doesn’t dig it 🙁

    Episode II (i love it more now then ever.  Siesmic Charges are the best sound design of the prequels!)

    Grease 2 rules.  (Not as classic as the original – but still, fun – and good songs!  the only reason i am seeing hairspray is because of the merging of the powers from grease 1 & 2!!)

    Mannequin Two On The Move was far better than the first.  (Terry Kieser rules.  Swanson was far hotter and more likable than Cattrell .  I never can tire of the antics of Rolf, Egon and Arnold..the three crazy soldiers.  And Mesach Taylor took it up a notch and was not only funnier but more sympathtic in this 1991 follow up.  And whatever happened to the lovable Stuart Pankin?!)

    The BEST Child’s Play film is SEED OF CHUCKY.  (No contest.  Glenn is one of favorite characters of all time)

    Bougus Journey is nine milion times better than Excellent Adventure.  Station!

    Beastmaster 2 (fits into my Caddyshack 2 category.  A disgrace to the magnificance of the original yet still enjoyable on its own level)

    And yes, Mummy Returns is the ONLY good one in that trilogy.  (And yes, i can say this a year before the third is released.)

    I have to agree against Eros on JP3.  (I found it to be an insult.  I like Lost World although that was a bit of a let down as well.  I wish i could find the “100 things wrong with The Lost World” list that the Alathal and I whipped up.  While we were busy watching it about eleven times.  I’ll always have a soft spot for it as it brings back those “Eric & The Awecholate Factory” memories..and was the sneak of all sneaks.  I was proud of that one.  Thanks, Eros!)

    The only other thing i can think of to say right now is that M:i3 was the ONLY good one in that trilogy.  And that T3 is the number one of all time for me on this whole list.  Any single one of these sequels is ten times better than that disgrace.

    Should we even attempt to sort out the inconsistencies of the Leprechaun saga?

    For my money – three holds up as the best.

  12. bake snaker says:

    wow…everything you wrote there is wrong.  (except for the Grease 2 mention.) You just wrote 10 paragraphs of nonsense.

    Oh and “Hitcher 2” – very bad.

  13. Cybergosh says:

    So..wait…are you saying you like JP3?

    And more important, that you indeed know where Stuart Pankin is?

  14. bake snaker says:

    Ha… well, to be fair ..never saw Mannequin Two On The Move.  But I have to agree with Eros on JP3… bad but not that bad. 

    BTW, Elm Street has never had a good sequel.

    Oh, and Halloween 3 is one of the strangest sequels of all time.  Actually worth a re-watch. 

    OH OH OH OH ….next to Road Warrior… best sequel of all time…..

    BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  amazing sequel.

  15. Cybergosh says:

    I never saw H3 but want to.  I’ve heard it’s a must see.

    And I’d rather watch Elm Street 3 & 4 more than the first.  Sorry!

  16. Fat Ass says:

    Okay… okay. Eros, did we see the same JPIII? The one where Sam Neill honks into the raptor skull to talk to the dinosaurs? Just checking.

    I definitely prefer Bogus Journey, too.

    Nightmare 4 was a huge letdown from Nightmare 3. I don’t think it’s as good as the first, but it’s not terrible. I was just so, so disappointed after 3.

    Bake: Nightmare 3 not good? What kind of crack are you smoking, pal? Share it!

    Halloween III was bizarre and daring and that doesn’t make it good.

    MI3 was definitley the best of the series. How often can you say that– #3 is better than the first two? Only other examples I can think of are Revenge of the Sith and Nightmare 3. And Army of Darkness.

    Berg– you LIKED Matrix 2 and 3? Wow, it runs deep, my friend. But I’ve never seen any Leprechaun.

    Huzzah!!!

    PS: Escape from LA sucked ASS.

  17. Eros Welker says:

    Yes, I know – he talks to dinosaurs, but it’s actually not as ridiculous as it sounds in the movie.  Besides, the Spinosaurus and its cellphone scenes are cool and entertaining, again that pterodactyl scene is scary and even though it doesn’t really end well or is anything of consequence, it’s relatively harmless but with solid effects, etc.

    And again, in comparison to JP2, which has gymnastic scene stupid cacapoo and Pete Postelthwait as a “big game hunter”, I bought into it more.  When are they gonna find Nedry’s shaving can already?!?

    Also want to say that I think Revolutions is actually quite good, and Reloaded has some great scenes but unfortunately, it’s poop.  Army of Darkness is a lot of fun and not really a sequel to ED1/ED2 as it’s a completely different movie.  Escape from LA is a pleasure, only because it’s treated more as a re-do than a sequel (and honestly, I like the new updated theme better than the original).  And Terminator 3 is the biggest insult to sequels ever.

    I’d have to say, I may agree with Bake.  As much as I think Aliens is a fantastic flick that has changed my life, Road Warrior might be the “bestest” sequel ever, infinitely better than its predecessor.

  18. Cybergosh says:

    Can Transformers be on this list?

  19. Fat Ass says:

    Ha ha. No. Play by my rules, or get out.

    Best sequel ever, improvement-wise? Gotta be X2 for me.

    That having been said, I only saw Mad Max once as a kid, and although I liked the Road Warrior, I didn’t love it and haven’t seen it in more than a decade.

    Terminator 2 is way, way up there as well. Aliens is definitely superior, but it’s such a completely different movie, arguably a whole ‘other genre, that it’s hard to compare.

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