28 WEAKs Lamer

This is Eros, phoning it in so can’t edit properly. Spoilers abound, so
if someone can put the bulk of this into the extended area, great.
Otherwise skip this post if you don’t want to hear my take.

Let me start by saying that I really dug 28 Days Later.  I didn’t expect

much to anything from it, and it surprised, terrified and delighted me

(even if that 3rd act was a little scattered).  But enough yesterday,

onto yesterweek.

Allow me to share 28 reasons why 28 Weeks Later is not as good as 28

Days Later, in no particular order than I suppose chronologic.  Allow me

to share however that the opening sequence is pretty wicked.  And now

back to 28 nitpicks:

28.  Who the fuck would go back to Britain 28 YEARS later, much less 28

weeks later, after this event?  The most dangerous virus ever and you go

back?!?  By choice?!?

27.  Okay, you’re the chief medical officer and your self-admitting

everyone to back?

26.  And you’re also 28?  29?

25.  You’re a kid who thinks you’ve lost your mother to rabid

cannibals.  Your first instinct is to flee a safe zone and explore the

ruined and potentially lethal city.

24.  The military is unable to prevent two children from escaping their

quarantine lockdown.  Though they are spotted…

23.  The military apprehends two kids 10-15 mins after noticed. 

Wonderful response time on a potential life-ending event.

22.  At “home”, stupid kid #1 barely questions why a particular room in

the house looks ravaged by a vagrant… A clear sign that someone/thing

is there.

21.  Said someone/thing turns out to be mom, and a silly 1 second

flashback of the woods is the best explanation for how she escaped a

roomful of infected.

20.  Again, chief medical officer extracts blood from a survivor, with

exposed skin despite the fact that any fluid contact can yield

infection.

19.  Mom is left unguarded, and dad has full access to her quarantined

section.

18.  Dad used his keycard to get in, and when raged, is able to use the

same dealio to escape… Despite being a raving lunatic.

17.  Stringer Bell aka the key Army guy calls a Code Red, which

translates to locking people in parking garages, and turning off the

power and lights… which makes no strategic military sense when

engaging an enemy that is animalistic in nature.

16.  Code Red also means, shoot only infected, despite being unable to

determine from a 20+ floor high-rise who is infected and who isnt. 

Eventually, its open season but typically its too much too late.

15.  Infected Carlisle shows up and is not a raving lunatic, until its

time to be one, allowing stupid kid #1 to escape.

14.  Stupid kid #1 and stupid but hot kid #2 get separated, but

miracuously find one another in a storage room.  I can handle that, but

I cant handle that stupid kid #1 has blood all over his face and chief

29 year old medical officer thinks nothing of it.

13.  They decide to leave the storage area, which ultimately proves to

be a good move… As they learn the city will be firebombed in 4 mins. 

Too bad, the army sniper on the roof wasn’t informed.  Guess he’s

expendable.

12.  Young doctor girl gets shot, yet even when limping she’s faster

than out of control infected chuds.

11.  I’ll give credit where its due.  The helicopter infected mash part

was better here than Grindhouse.

10.  They escape again and find themselves confronted by a deadly toxic

gas which kills infected in seconds.  They hole up in a car, because in

Britain, cars are airtight.

9.  Infected can break down barricade windows and barn doors, but when

encountering windshields and car windows they lose all their strength.

8.  Highly trained Army attack chopters can’t shoot a car driven by a

wounded young chief medical officer.

7.  Chief medical officer tries to bark out orders by using a night

scope, for no real good reason, causing chaos… And forcing the kids to

split up despite them both falling down the same escalator.

6.  Sneaky robert carlisle strategically ambushes and bashes young

doctor to death, because that’s what rabid animals do.

5.  Stupid hot kid #2 cries and calls out for her brother, in close

proximity to the rabid animal, but gets off scot free.

4.  However stupid kid #1 bumbles off, and rabid animal finally tracks

him down in a non-rabid animal way.

3.  Girl drops gun.  Sure, you killed dad and think your bro is dead,

but are you aware of what’s going on in this shitty infested city?

2.  The kid is clearly infected, but the girl decides to condemn the

human race, or at least the european, asian and african people.

1.  Walt’s dad decides, what the hell, lets break all the rules and land

across the channel… And the army has no idea this is going on and

there’s no airspace protection.

So in the end, kids are stupid and will bring about the end of days, but

at least Paris and fucking France buy it first.

I know this is horribly nitpicky, and I didn’t hate this movie.  I

actually had a decent time watching it, but can’t imagine nobody else

found themselves uncomfortable with these glaring plotholes.  Then

again, maybe everybody else is infected… Or maybe I am!  Rawl!!!

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No Responses to “28 WEAKs Lamer”

  1. cybergosh says:

    I put your review in the extende text, but i have to say you are just infected.  You clearly saw a different film than i did.  This is the best zombie film ever made in my opinion.

  2. bake snaker says:

    “the best zombie film ever”?!?!?!?!?  No offense but you are a retarded fuck-head, loser cunt for writing that.

  3. cybergosh says:

    This is a good one – we have Bake & Eros in 1 corner and Burnt, FatAss & Cybergosh in the oposite corner….

    MDHUFF?

    Junk Zombie?

    Only they will determine if EG supports this film or not!

    Stay Tuned…

  4. Eros Welker says:

    I want to hear Burnt weigh in here… Mister Rules himself finds himself in the opposite corner???  What’s next, a re-consideration on The Frighteners?

    Jeers to Burnt.  I think he just likes it because he keeps using it as his diet rally cry.

  5. Roger says:

    “This is the best zombie film ever made in my opinion.”

    Your opinion would be valid if the only other zombie film you’d seen was the Thriller video.

    I liked this sequel less than the first movie, and I liked the first movie less than the Dawn of the Dead remake. It delivers 9/10 of what could have been, and that missing 1/10 really makes you feel like you should have just skipped the whole thing.

    (And technically, they’re not even zombies, they’re crazies, but I think we already had that discussion a few years ago.)

  6. bake snaker says:

    okay… everyone chime in!!  My vote for best zombie movie ever…obviously “Dawn of the Dead”, 2nd “Night of the Living Dead”, 3rd “Day of the Dead”, 4th “Re-Animator”…everything else = bullshit

  7. Roger says:

    1) Dawn of the Dead

    2) Night of the Living Dead

    3) Day of the Dead

    4) Dawn of the Dead remake

    5) Land of the Dead

    6) everything else

  8. Eros Welker says:

    BTW, the greatest book I have ever read is WORLD WAR Z, an oral history of the zombie war.  If you have not picked this up, DO SO IMMEDIATELY!!  Dead serious.

    My faves:

    1. Dawn of the Dead

    2. Dead Alive

    3. Day of the Dead

    4. Re-Animator

    5. Shaun of the Dead

    6. Dawn of the Dead Remake

    7. Land of the Dead

    8. Resident Evil

    9. Night of the Living Dead

    10. Return of the Living Dead

    11. Buried Alive (because it has a 40 year old midget playing a little boy who bites his mother’s nipple off – I may be f-ing up the name and I think they’re zombies)

  9. bake snaker says:

    wow, you guys really like “Land of the Dead”?  Amazing.  Nobody has mentioned Zombie or any of the Fulci stuff.

  10. Roger says:

    The pedigree and John Leguizamo is what keeps Land of the Dead up there, but it’s the worst Romero zombie movie. I never liked the Fulci stuff much beyond the visuals.

    World War Z is currently being made into a movie. J. Michael Straczynski is currently working on a draft of the script. It could be cool, or it could fall totally flat.

  11. Eros Welker says:

    I’ve yet to see something by J. Michael Stracyznski that I’ve really fallen out of my chair over.  Maybe a He-Man episode or two… but seriously, why is he such the bees knees?

    I can’t see it making a good movie – but it’d make an awesome Band of Brothers-esque miniseries on HBO.  I was toying with an idea back in college about veterans recanting stories about the first alien invasion (a War of the Worlds style attack post-WWII), and when I saw Band of Brothers, I thought that’d be the perfect vehicle.  But I don’t have a number of bad TV series under my belt to make it a job.

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